Welcome to my new site! It is still under construction (I have a lot to learn), but I decided to go ahead and go live. All of my old posts can still be read at thedomestikatedlife.wordpress.com. Let me know if it gives you any issues!
All throughout high school (and sometimes college) who you choose as friends is limited. You likely make friends with the people in your classes. Sure, you may not have a lot in common, but it’s mostly about convenience.
When you become an adult, making friends becomes
a little a lot harder. There is no longer a pool of people who have the same schedule as you. You likely don’t play on a team or sing in a choir where you can meet like minded people. The people you meet can be somewhat limited to where you spend your time the most.
As adult you have the freedom to be more choosy about your friends. If you meet someone you jive with, you have the option of nourishing the relationship. As I’ve come to learn, having close relationships with other girls is important to my well-being.
With that said, the other day I was reminded of how important it is to pick friends who actually are indeed better for your well-being. Not all friends are created equal. Here is a simple example. There is no denying that many women like to talk about their body (usually their dislike of it) or whatever diet they are currently trying. One day recently I had just enjoyed a delicious cupcake. No one said anything negative to me, but someone did mention how they personally were trying to stay away from the “junk” with a bikini body being the motivator. While this is very normal for a woman in our society to say, I found it almost jarring.
For a brief moment after this was said, I felt guilty over eating the cupcake. I didn’t have those feelings while eating it- it was rather enjoyable and made me happy. I’m sure the words spoken weren’t meant to make me feel bad, usually when people make comments like that it is truly something personal they are reflecting. I countered the statement with something like “I prefer to honor cravings not resist them”, but I think only the air heard me.
Thinking back on it later, I realized that the statement stood out to me because I don’t surround myself with people who talk that way. The friends I’ve chosen don’t engage in fat talk or diet talk. They don’t make each other feel bad for their food choices. Because those are the kind of people I surround myself with, I think I’ve almost forgotten that this isn’t usually the norm.
When I worked in an office of ladies, I would hear diet talk constantly. In the beginning, it made me reflect inwardly and question my own food choices. However, as I cultivated relationships with people who didn’t talk like that, I began to feel stronger and less bothered when I was within ear reach of such talk. Eventually, I wouldn’t think inwardly, but just feel sad. Sad that people would spend so much energy and focus on having the perfect diet or perfect body.
While making friends as an adult can be challenging, it really is quite the opportunity. You have the option to not surround yourself with people who bring you down. If you start to get negative vibes from a group of people, you can choose to spend less time with them. I’m not suggesting that you ditch your friends, but perhaps be proactive about the conversations you have. Then again, maybe it is time to let go of the toxic environment you’re in. My younger self probably would not have been brave enough to counter the negative self talk, but now my own self-confidence has pushed me to do so.
If you want to have the biggest influence on your friends, you have to practice self-love yourself. Other people have to see that it is okay to feel good about yourself, enjoy food without guilt, believe that you can do things, not feel pressured to be someone you’re not, etc. If you have in you, don’t let those things go unseen.
Just like choosing friends, choosing the blogs you read is important too. Read here for how I choose the blogs I read!
Do the people around you contribute to your well-being?
Thanks Amanda for the link-up today.